Snape, Darling
by Snarry
Summary: Remus and Harry are like little hormonal fan girls. It’s such a shame that only one of them will win Snape’s heart in the end…but which is it! Diary entries from Remus and Harry, leading to the climactic Yule Ball where Snape confesses his love for…
1. November 16th

**Disclaimer: **J.K. Rowling quite obviously owns everything. We are nought but humble followers of her amazing creation. So yes…the characters, settings and everything belong to her.

**Note:** This FanFic is written by two cousins, Clare and Rachel. Clare writes all of Harry's entries, and Rachel writes all of Lupin's entries. Thank you!

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**The Truth, The Whole Truth, And Nothing But The Bloody Truth: The Story Of My Life**

_R.J. Lupin's Diary_

**Monday 16th November**

Would say today has been a terrible day, but cannot due to the fact that I have to appear content at all times, as am werewolf and showing any sign of anger might frighten people. If I appear docile, people may ignore my _disability_, whereas if I am rabid and violent, may have to endure long spell in Azkaban which, to be entirely honest, is not high on my "101 things I must do before I die my obvious untimely death (they got James, they got Sirius, everyone knows I'm next)" list.

Anyway, must not get sidetracked. Today was tolerable enough I _suppose_. V. startling events took place though. For a moment I genuinely believed that Harry (darling, darling boy, and terribly handsome too - shame about the scar) had worked out my deep, dark secret, but realised that Harry is not the sort to thwart the plans of his friends, especially a friend as calm, good-natured, fair, righteous and perfect as myself. However, do suspect Harry has deep longing for my beloved. Cantankerous fellow. May have to kill him (Harry – not my precious Severus). Rest assured that I'll do it during the "time of the month" though, so people will suspect it was just a hiccup.

I suppose I should explain what I'm going on about.

Today I was feeling lovesick. My heart was yearning for some Snapey lovin'. Knowing that the lessons for the day would be over, I decided to drop in on Snape. Brimming with confidence, I strolled along the corridor to the dungeons, my best robes (only five stitched-on patches) billowing behind me. I had my picture of Dead Sirius with me for luck. As I approached the dungeons, I noticed v. handsome boy loitering outside. Was infuriated, but smiled nevertheless, took deep breaths, and counted to ten.

"You have a beautiful soul, Remus," I told myself as I approached the boy who was lurking with one ear to the door of the dungeon. I stared in disbelief. It was Harry.

He tried to fob me off by saying he was handing in some essay to Snape, but only a fool would have been able to miss the look of deepest yearning in his eyes. They mirrored mine exactly. Sometimes I wonder if Harry is my child. That night with Lily is constantly haunting me.

Anyway, I also managed to fob Harry off with explanation that I had to see Snape on Order business. After 15 minutes we finally decided that I was the one who should leave the dungeons first. Was infuriated once more, but counted to ten and chanted "you have a beautiful soul, Remus," in my head until the anger slipped away.

Will get pissed now. Cannot take the pain.

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**The Boy Who Lived: My Modest Life!**

_**Harry J. Potter's Diary**_

**Monday Nov. 16**

Have decided to keep a log of my attempts to impress Snape as was losing track of my ideas and forgetting whether I'd already tried something. Decided best thing to do first was to listen in at Snape's office to see if I could find out what he'd want for his birthday. Didn't have any succsess though as that damned Remus Lupin got in my way. He's a nice guy and all but the damn fuzzball interrupted me just as I left the dungeon. Fed him some lie about handing in a late essay. He didn't look impressed though, can't say I'd blame him, was a pretty bad lie considering I'd probably be in detention if I did have a late essay. Snapeykins is sweet and all but sometimes he can be really testy. Luckily Moony fell for it, the gulliable loaf. Asked him why he was there and he said something about Order business. I hate that god damn Order, they always get in my way! Remus seemed reluctant to leave the dungeon, finally we both ended up leaving at the same time, I snuck back though about 5 minutes afterwards just for a quick listen.

Still unsure of what to get Snapey, I wonder whether he likes chocolates, will have to find out.


	2. November 17th

**Disclaimer: **J.K. Rowling quite obviously owns everything. We are nought but humble followers of her amazing creation. So yes…the characters, settings and everything belong to her.

**Note:** This FanFic is written by two cousins, Clare and Rachel. Clare writes all of Harry's entries, and Rachel writes all of Lupin's entries. Thank you!

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**The Truth, The Whole Truth, And Nothing But The Bloody Truth: The Story Of My Life**

_**R.J. Lupin's Diary**_

**Tuesday 17th November**

HARRY MUST DIE A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH. Uh, not Harry _Potter _of course; I'm talking about my, um, second cousin twice removed. Yes. Him. Um.

Well, I went to Diagon Alley today. Took a lovely ride on a thing muggles like to call a bun, I think. Might've been a bug actually, or some other crazy word beginning with b. I think it was a bus. Yes. It reminded me of my childhood; I'm a half-blood, you know.

Diagon Alley was exciting. I purchased some books (I never read the blasted things…it just makes me look intelligent), which had been my intention in the first place because, obviously, I had no other reason for being in Diagon Alley, of course. But, um, as I was coming out of Madam Malkin's, lo and behold - I saw Snape! It was entirely unplanned of course. I did not receive information from Tonks that Snape would be there at all. Never.

At first I was worried because I looked like total shi- um, shingles, I looked like I had shingles. I was not going to say shit then because I simply don't swear. I am too wise and perfect for that, naturally. Anyway, I think Snape was just about to wink at me and purr, "Hello, you delicious fiend," when who should mysteriously appear alongside him but _Harry_, the skanky fellow! Sometimes I fail to see what Dead Sirius ever saw in him. He is skinny and has silly glasses. Nevermind that whole Voldemort business; he really is quite annoying. Plus, I heard a rumour that he wears legwarmers. Anyway, Harry must've had his invisibility cloak on him, and obviously pulled it off because he wanted to make a move on Snape and quite clearly could not have done when invisible.

Snape look bewildered for a second, but I gently stroked his arm in an attempt to calm him down. Harry gave me a death stare. I asked him why he was in Diagon Alley, and he explained that he accidentally apparated there during his test and was having trouble getting back. Likely story.

I was infuriated. Managed to calm myself down by chanting under my breath, "You have a beautiful soul, Remus," but unfortunately, must've said it a bit loudly, because Snape looked bewildered once more. We all stood and stared at one another for a while, before Snape glared at Harry and mumbled, "Yes, well, get hold of my arm and we'll apparate back. Hold on tight though, Potter."

Harry looked like Christmas had come early. I was infuriated once more. Never mind the fact that I had spent three hours doing my hair in preparation for going to Diagon Alley, never mind the fact that Harry gets to see Snape EVERY DAY…they still simply apparated and left me. Snape left me without even a peck on the cheek. I am disgusted, to be frank. It is no wonder I am greying prematurely with all of this stress.

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**The Boy Who Lived: My Modest Life!**

_**Harry J. Potter's Diary**_

**Tuesday Nov. 17**

Had another apparition practice to day. Decided would be a perfect chance to follow Snape by "accidentally" apparating into the diagon alley, which just happens to be were Snapey is going, or at least that's what I gathered from the conversation he had with Dumbledore this morning.

Handy little thing those extendable ears, must remember to thank Fred and George for inventing them, on second thoughts I don't have to, they wouldn't even have a company if it weren't for the kind boy-who-lived giving them a loan, in fact must remember to get them to pay me back at some point, perhaps with interest even. Anyway I'll save that for another day.

At any rate I ended up in Diagon Alley and despite scaring the heck out of a few onlookers I managed to stay hidden thanks to my trusty invisibility cloak, was actually quite a decent idea to carry it around with me, won't ever admit that to Dumbledore though as he already has his head way to far up his ancient arse, perverted old man can be quite annoying at times.

Anyway managed to track down Snape to a potion store and made sure to take note of the things he was buying, might be useful for later. It was at this point I noticed that once again that goddamn man was there again. Either Remus is following me, which I highly doubt considering I was wearing and INVISIBLITY cloak, or he is trying to steal Snape from me, the asshole! He's mine! Must keep extra close eye on him as he seems to happy to be true, and that's always a sign of an evil mastermind, well ok maybe not an evil mastermind but he's definitely capable of stealing Snapey from me! And to think I trusted him! Ah well at least he's missing for some of the month, that's probably the best time to move in on Snapey. Perhaps a love potion could help.

At any rate I was so pissed that I accidentally caught my damn invisibility cloak and revealed myself, wasn't so bad though and after quickly explaining that I'd accidentally apparated myself there I managed to get a lift back with Snape, I GOT TO HOLD HIS ARM! You should have seen Remus's face; he looked about ready to spit venom. So we went back to the Hogwarts much to the relief of the apparition professor, he was practically having a heart attack, almost received a detention but was SO worth it.

Am still at a loss at what to get Snapey for his birthday, although spotted a rather fetching black cape that he could add to his collection, now all I need is wrapping paper, I was thinking along the lines of black with little potion bottles on it, haven't a clue where'd I buy that though, must remember to explore Hogsmede next time I go.


	3. November 18th

**Disclaimer: **J.K. Rowling quite obviously owns everything. We are nought but humble followers of her amazing creation. So yes…the characters, settings and everything belong to her.

**Note:** This FanFic is written by two cousins, Clare and Rachel. Clare writes all of Harry's entries, and Rachel writes all of Lupin's entries. Thank you!

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**The Truth, The Whole Truth, And Nothing But The Bloody Truth: The Story Of My Life**

_**R.J. Lupin's Diary**_

**Tuesday 18th November**

Uh…we were called to an Order meeting today. Harry included, the cur. Apparently, Kingsley has gone and got himself put in Azkaban, so the Order meeting was mainly as a sign of respect for him. He is _so_ mincemeat. I feigned sadness for a while but it was difficult. I hate this calm and wise façade. One day people will work out what a belligerent little poof I am. I look forward to that day. My darling Dead Sirius knew of course. It was our little secret. Sometimes I wish he hadn't got himself killed. Huh.

Anyway, we were all seated around the kitchen table at The Burrow. Harry and I were either side of Snape. As I was feeling daring and, to be frank, a little desperate, I gently and discretely played footsies with Snape under the table. He did not seem to mind. I gradually got bored of this, as it lost its novelty quite quickly, so I then moved on to putting my hand on Snape's knee.

He almost _DIED_; he shot three foot into the air practically, and started shrieking at everyone that I had groped him. I denied it, and everyone looked at Severus like he was mad because, of course, I am a calm, responsible adult with a real sense of propriety and decorum. No one suspected me whatsoever; they all thought Snape was overreacting to a slight brush of the knee, and Molly then had an _enormous _go at him for being "disrespectful to Kingsley".

I was not entirely sure why Snape allowed me to play footsies flirtatiously with him and yet went mad at me when I touched his knee, so I sat in absolute silence trying to work it out while Harry droned on about something or other, and then it occurred to me that it must've been Harry I was playing footsies with. I was disgusted. It confirms my worst fears; I have competition in gaining Snape's affection, and that competition just so happens to be _The Boy Who Lived_. I don't have much luck, really.

As glorious as I might look, and as beautiful as my soul may be, I doubt Snape will like me over Harry, the boy who stumped You Know Who. I am contemplating getting muggle surgery to look like Harry or, alternatively, accepting the fact that the only way I can win Snape over is by winning Harry over too, and us all eventually being involved in some bizarre ménage à trios.

Sharing Snape is a frightful prospect. I think the anxiety just greyed a large section of my hair.

Anyway, Harry went upstairs to use the bathroom, and I sneakily followed him. In a moment of madness I was actually contemplating transfiguring my handkerchief into a bear trap to catch Harry, but sanity prevailed and instead, I transfigured my handkerchief into a muggle contraption called a roller skate. As Harry opened the bathroom door, he tripped over the skate and fell down the stairs. The plan was that I would just hurt him slightly, not cripple him or anything, and that I would quickly move out of the way so that Harry did not take me down the stairs with him, but unfortunately, I did not move quickly enough and ended up bounding down the stairs entwined in Harry.

Once we had hit the bottom, we spent a while attempting to discover which limb belonged to each of us (we were in quite a tangle), and, to my utmost horror, Snape came strolling down the hallway to find us both in a rather, um, _strange_position.

"Harry, Harry, are you okay!" I rasped as I pulled Harry up from the ground, trying desperately to stay "in-character" and not go all fan-girl on Snape. My acting skills obviously need brushing up because, when I leapt into the air pretending that I had only just noticed Snape was leaning on the banisters, Harry and Snape both gave me "we-know-you're-a- fraud" looks.

Snape made his way out of the front door, saying nothing. After he had closed the door, Harry started squealing, "WELL DONE! Make us look like fools in front of Snape!"

To be frank, I was flabbergasted at this outburst. Harry then continued, "Just because you've been all depressed since the death of Sirius, it doesn't mean that you have to ruin things for other people too!"

I was genuinely shocked at this outburst, too. "Ruin things for other people? What are you talking about? We fell down the stairs and Snape saw. How was that ruining things for you…unless…is there something you'd like to tell me, Harry?" I questioned, probing deeply into his soul (which, incidentally, is absolutely rubbish).

Harry glared at me and said, "You know what I mean. You can pretend you don't like him but I know you do."

I did not rise to this. Smiling, I simply asked, "Why is it so bad that I'm gloomy about the death of Dead Sirius? You should be too. He was your godfather."

Harry rolled his eyes and hissed, "Shut up, I hate my life, I hate you, I hate everyone, I'm an ugly four-eyed freak with a stupid scar and a psycho killer trying to murder me," or something to that effect.

**No. of days until full moon: 7**

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**The Boy Who Lived: My Modest Life!**

_**Harry J. Potter's Diary**_

**Tuesday Nov. 18**

THAT GODDAMN REMUS NEEDS TO GET HIS HEAD OUT OF HIS ASS! Who the hell does he think he is! Today we had an order meeting. The meeting was about some guy getting put into Azkaban, faked mournfulness despite not having a clue as to who we were talking about, was a little to transfixed f seeing whether I could persuade Snape to play footsie under the table.

I was practically pissing myself when he started playing back, that was until I noticed that Remus was fidgeting, DAMNIT I'M SUCH AN IDIOT! All that time it was Remus just trying to get to Snape! Ah well I suppose I at least stopped him from having fun, but to be honest it might have been better if wasn't there, he should go play with Tonks or something the hormonal little wolf boy.

At this point I was on the brink of shouting out "SCREW THE ORDER" and performing a certain illegal killing curse on Remus, so promptly mumbled something about needing the loo and rushed up stairs. After making sure my hair looked it's normal sexy standard and calming myself down by day dreaming about Snapey I wandered out of the bathroom.

Unfortunately it seems that I wasn't the only one pissed off and that fluff-ball Remus set a trap for me right outside the bathroom door in the form of a little red, yellow and blue roller skate, not only are Remus's plans dreadfully childish and simple, but they also completely lack a sense of style! Anyway as it is I was not expecting this kind of thing and walked straight on to it and tripped heading straight towards the stairs. That dumb ass Moony however forgot to move out of the way and we ended up going for a little tumble down the stairs together, serves the bastard right!

Unfortunately the noise of us desperately attempting to unscramble the puzzle that was our jumbled bodies bought Snape running, and I don't think it was to see if I was alright. Needless to say Remus tried to make it look like he was trying to see if I was ok, WHAT THE HELL WOULD HE CARE HE JUST SENT ME FLYING DOWN A SET OF STAIRS! Snape didn't look that impressed either and just shook his head and wandered out the door. I exploded at Remus as soon as he was gone, the fucking moron! He made us look like complete idiots in front of Snapey! Just because the bastard was upset about losing his sex slave Sirius! Doesn't mean he can ruin it for me and Snape!

Unfortunately it seems I was speaking my mind at this point and Remus just smirked and acted as if he had no idea what I was talking about. Have I ever mentioned how much he looks like Draco when he smirks? Yeah well he does, and he's almost as annoying as him as well if not more so! I told him "You know what I mean. You can pretend you don't like him but I know you do." Then he just tells me I'm a horrid kid for not being upset about Sirius! THAT ISN'T THE BLOODY POINT! God I hate his guts! I ended up wandering off muttering every single insult I could think of about Remus, I was still going by the time we got back to Hogwarts.

I WILL get my revenge for this, Oh yes I will. As much as I love Snape he'll have to wait for a while, this is personal!

P.S. managed to find the wrapping paper and have wrapped the cloak I bought for Snapey :)


	4. November 19th

**Disclaimer: **J.K. Rowling quite obviously owns everything. We are nought but humble followers of her amazing creation. So yes…the characters, settings and everything belong to her.

**Note:** This FanFic is written by two cousins, Clare and Rachel. Clare writes all of Harry's entries, and Rachel writes all of Lupin's entries. Thank you!

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**The Truth, The Whole Truth, And Nothing But The Bloody Truth: The Story Of My Life**

_**R.J. Lupin's Diary**_

**Tuesday 19th November**

Amazing day. More memorable than the day I slept with McGonagall (which, I can tell you, was v. memorable).

I received an owl this morning asking me whether I'd like to sit in on one of Snape's potion lessons and give a talk on the effects of the potion that werewolves now take before the "time of the month". Was stunned, and agreed, obviously.

I spent three hours showering, selecting an outfit, combing my hair, polishing my shoes, deciding upon appropriate underwear, and eventually, I apparated into Hogsmede, and from there made my way to Hogwarts. As I reached the Entrance Hall, I had a slight breakdown, but recovered after whispering my "you have a beautiful soul, Remus" mantra several times.

As I checked my watch, I noticed that I was an hour early which I swear on Dead Sirius's life (haha – I am _so_ cunning) was unplanned. I decided that this was my big chance to get some time alone with Snape, so I strolled confidently down to the dungeons where I knew Snape would be preparing for the lesson.

"Severus!" I cried with glee as I saw him. Was contemplating kissing him on cheek, but decided against it as it might give him the impression that I am easy. Uh-uh. This werewolf is _not_ easy (honestly - on Dead Sirius's life, teehee). I watched as Severus attempted a smile. He is out of practise, so it was hard for him, and did not quite manage. I prefer him when he is pouting, anyway. Snape and I had a heart-to-heart. By this, I mean that we exchanged our greetings and then sat in silence for 40 minutes. Silence is golden, though.

The students eventually filed in. Everyone looked flabbergasted when they noticed me perched on Snape's desk, staring dreamily at the divine Potions Master. Ron and Hermione briefly said hello. Harry looked disgusted. I laughed in his face.

Snape gave me a wonderful but unnecessary introduction. No, scrap that; lying is _wrong_. I wouldn't know what sort of introduction he gave me because I was busy paying attention to his heavenly body. Well, that and imagining Harry falling into a ravine.

All of this remains unimportant, though. What really, really made my day, week, month, year, _lifetime, _was thefact that Snape winked at me. He did. He winked at me. This is no lie. He winked. With his EYES.

Harry accidentally knocked his potion over upon noticing this. Snape had to take him to the Hospital Wing. It was all very exciting. Snape is a classic hero. I loved how he boomed, "HARRYY…POTTTTTERRR…. COME WITH MEEE" in manner of God, Hercules, or similar. He left me in charge of the class until he returned. It made me feel nostalgic.

Once all of the students had filed out, Snape edged towards me, and, whilst pretending to reach for a bottle of potion on his desk, he _groped _me. I hardly knew what to say. After several moments of silence, oozing confidence and charm, I grinned, "for goodness sake, Snape, my bottom is not just for touching, you know. I have numerous other uses for it. If you like, we could investigate."

Snape twitched slightly and put his head in his hands. I think desire was overwhelming him. After several moments, he still did not reply, though. Was I too subtle? Did he not understand what I was saying? Should I have screamed, "I LOVE YOU SEVERUS, YOU TOTAL MINX"? Would he have then understood? I do not know. He is a strange one, my Severus.

**Days until full moon: 6**

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**The Boy Who Lived: My Modest Life!**

_**Harry J. Potter's Diary**_

**Tuesday Nov. 19**

Ergh I need to speed up my plans for revenge. That goddamn wolf man just earned himself a more intense ass whooping! I can't believe the nerve of him. If it weren't for the fact that I've been given this god damn potion to stop me from coughing up hairballs thanks to a certain bastard who made me mess up my potion I'd probably go out and find him right now and pummel him! My head feels all light though and I can't seem to be angry properly. Probably a side effect of the antidote Snape gave me, still it seems to stop the hairballs.

Well might as well explain rants. You see today we had potions, yes that one lesson I have every week that makes my entire existence worth being, that is it did until that bloody asshole showed up today. IN MY PERSONAL TIME WITH SNAPE, HOW DARE HE! Ouch that hurt my head, must try and keep the outburst to a minimum I guess which is going to be bloody impossible! HE IS SO ANNOYING AND HE NEEDS TO DIE! Ow ow ow, wait why am I writing that down, ergh my head hurts.

Anyway so wimpy wolf man suddenly shows up in class because Snape invited him to talk to the class about werewolf potions. I suppose that it does help the class and Snape only had my education in mind, BUT THAT GOD DAMN SON OF A BITCH IS INTOLERABLE! Ow ow ow ow my head again, Eck.

Anyway so at first I thought that it might not be that bad as we were in a class full of students and Moony wouldn't dare try anything, but then I realised that that horny son of a bitch wouldn't let that stop and sure enough he starts groping Snapey right in front of me! INFRONT OF EVERYONE! Snapey luckily just seemed to ignore him, he obviously wouldn't even dream of being attracted to such scum of the earth. Unfortunately it seems he might as he actually winked at him, HOW DARE HE! But I'm sure he was just er teasing the poor fool, he'd never actually like him of course.

However I was so pissed off at that moment that I accidentally knocked over a bottle, which toppled, into my potion. It promptly exploded covering half the classroom with thick brown and purplish slime. I thought that it was nothing serious until I started coughing violent, which slowly developed into a hack. Suddenly I coughed up this slimy little hairball.

I was shocked that something so sick had come out of my mouth and promptly eyed Snapey with the cutest little gaze I could muster, the kind a puppy gives an owner when it accidentally knocked over a vase and got a piece stuck in his paw. And he fell for it instantly. He quickly rushed over and gently took my hand and said, "Harry Potter, come with me" in that glorious voice of his. Then we left leaving that stupid Moony too look after the class, serves him right the pompous git.

When we got to the infirmary Snape gently sat me down on one of the beds and ran off to get a potion, to stop me from hacking up fur. He obviously cares about me, why else would he go so quickly to get the potion! And then he stayed until the end of lessons to make sure I was ok, he's so sweet! That stupid asshole Moony was probably crying like a little girly. I was really sad when Snapey had to go but he told me he had to go clean up the potions room, which I suppose is a good reason, that purplish and brown slime really isn't an attractive decoration.

I'm going to go to bed now and my head is pounding with repressed anger. But will add some more details to my revenge plan before I do.

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I would like to officially thank Rachel for being so persistent and even hiring a Day 4 monster in order to get me to write this…eventually. - Clare


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